"The Ballad of the Sad Rat"

I'm a lowly rat
in a vampire movie.
Oh, woe is me
Who'll bite me first?

Will it be Tom
So cute and curly?
Or pretty Brad
Who looks so hurt?

These hunks, from hell
Are all around me.
And how their fangs
Do make me squeak.

Sweet littte Kirsten
Won't even pet me.
She just saysYuk,
Though she's very sweet.

Oh, thank you Larry.
Liz Smith, I love you,
And dearest Oprah
How good thou art.

I'm a lowly rat
In a vampire movie
Your tender words
Do break my heart.

But don't you fret, folks
As you hear my story.
We want no tears
On your velvet and lace!

I'm a Hollywood rat
In a Hollywood movie!
What wouldn't you give
To take my place?